My friends who told me "life is a bed of roses"

A friend to me is person who loves you for what you are. Who knows what hurts you and what makes you happy. Who is honest and who never gets bored of you. I once read somewhere that sometimes we put walls around our heart, not just to be safe from getting hurt, but to find out who cares enough to break the walls and get closer. I guess this just means we look for a friend who not only understands our behaviour pattern but who can actually read our souls.

I have had many wonderful friends. Some have become the cornerstones of my life, with some the dimensions of my friendship have radically changed while there are a few I have lost recently. All I wanted was they remain honest to me and be with me and understand me when I really needed them. Instead I was lied to by one. Another called me a depressing parasite. These were the very people who once upon felt they were lucky to have known me. The only thing that kept me going was that love and respect I have for myself and, of course because of the few others who stuck by me in my most needful and dreaded hours. These were the people who never questioned why I was troubled or what was causing it. They just stood by. They stood by to support me, to cheer me and to lift me when I fell. And I never realized this. I went hanging on to those who never understood me. I did so because they were the ones I thought were my best friends. I failed to rationalize that, it was me who cared and loved them like my own and not otherwise. I gave my time, my energy and my love to them unconditionally. But when it was their turn they coolly blamed me for the condition I was in. They said my ideas are too rigid, that I never opened up or shared my feelings and I was too emotional and impractical in life. They said I never shared their happiness and many a time dampened it too. They said everything other than ‘don’t worry I am there no matter what’. Some of them taught me life. They showed me that life is after all a bed of roses. By the way I hate roses. I agree honesty sometimes can be more painful and some of them were brutally honest. But then, this is how life treats everyone or that is what I firmly believe.

I want to thank all my pals for all that they have given me. I am sorry for not realizing this earlier. And to the “others”, people I still love you but I don’t trust you any longer. I beg of you to please stay away from me if I’m unworthy but don’t ever pretend. I rather love a person who I know hates me than fool myself.